I haven’t posted in a couple of weeks! Amber had her 7 day heart monitoring and we haven’t heard anything as yet, although we had the clinic letter which I would say has sent the shivers through me to say the least. I think however, because it is the fear of the unknown, for the last 6 years it has been neurology so the heart thing is all very very new and I definitely feel out of my depth.
She is up and down health wise, and it really is a mystery. I am lucky in that I have a wealth of knowledge through the touch of a button, the Neurologist, the Geneticist, and even today the Specialist Geneticist that is instrumental in informing medical practice. So today I called him at his request and as he always does he eased my pain, and to quote him “keep an open mind”, its refreshing is it to hear that from a world leader in his field because in the Medical profession this is not innate. However, again, somehow he has brought me back to focus!
On a personal level, however, this week has seen the mini make-over of Ambers bedroom, she has grown from a baby, and is now a young lady. However the clearing of her things, her baby things, her toddler things, was somewhat emotional. Well huge and irrational emotions came to light. I mean I blame Disney! As I tossed some of her first cuddly toys on the pile, I started to think, well actually Hedgey Hog was the first toy she loved and loved to bite, and pick-up, and princess doggy we loved to snuggle her at her face…….. So yesterday was a blubbery day, I couldn’t help the tears as I delivered two bin-bags of clothes and toys and belongings to the charity shop to hear the lady say “a little girl will be so happy to see all these things”, my little girl had all those things, they may not have made her happy because she might not have known the significance. I wanted to scream that my child was special, because she is, but I left with a heavy heart, as I wanted to share it all, but I will, believe me I will, when this season is over! Amber and I will walk into that shop and show them what happiness is!
But you know, every Christmas as sad as it is, that I am not buying her dollies and Sindy dolls, is that she brings me the best present ever, her love, and her smiles, and unconditional love forever J What a fantastic Christmas present I get, and its every day!, my heart is bursting.
Merry christmas to you all. xxxx